I've had this swimming around in my head for over a week now. Even as I start typing this, honestly I'm not fully sure where it's going. I just haven't been able to shake that introduction in my head. So I think the obvious is that it's one of those things that God has confronted me with. While trying to figure out where to even start with this blog, knowing that the best place was with the story itself in scripture from Hosea, I was struck with this thought. "<i>If I were standing in a crowd with Jesus at my side, this is how I'd have to introduce myself</i>". That put some unexpected sting on it.
This would be a good place for you to stop, go get your Bible and read Hosea chapters 1-3. It's not long. You can do it in 5 minutes. It's either that or I post all of it, and I'd rather you go get your Bible and read it for yourself. If you don't have a Bible, or don't have one handy... use <a href="http://www.studylight.org/desk/?l=en&query=Hosea+2§ion=0&translation=esv&oq=ho%25202&new=1&nb=ho&npc=%A0%3C%3C%A0&ng=2&ncc=2" target="_blank">StudyLight.org</a>, but only if yours isn't around.
So that's me. I'm Gomer. I'm a "wife of whoredom". If you've heard this preached before you know this. I knew this, but only academically. Lately, I've become increasingly aware of my propensity to distraction. Not just the trouble having a meaningful conversation with my wife when the TV is on kind of distraction. Not just the kids yelling or whining or asking questions while I'm doing something important kind of distractions. Those too, but more importanly, where do I exert myself. What do I care about? What consumes the majority of my thoughts? When it's just me talking to myself or in prayer with the one, holy, sovereign God of all creation, there's no room for sunday school answers. I know my heart and my mind. He knows it better. I'm a harlot.
I daily consume my waking hours with thoughts about my job, my family, my church and my hobbies. "<i>Well that's not all bad right?</i>" you may ask. "<i>I mean, after all, your job is important, your family is important, your church is important. By golly, if you're thinking about your church you're practically thinking about God, so really what are you all worked up about?</i>" Actually I won't blame any of you for saying that. The voice of reason in my head screams that at the top of it's lungs. Those things are important, but only in perspective and only in the context of how important Christ is. I am the recipient of a grace and a mercy that I cannot even begin to understand. I could literally consume the remainder of my days trying to ponder the extent of those gifts. And yet, I still wander. My mind wanders, my will longs to wander. So not only am I a harlot, selling myself and my affections to everything but Christ, but I'm apparently ungrateful too.
<i>(prepare for talk that isn't heard in church)</i>
I was purchased. From a pimp. Yeah, i said it. You know his name? Sin.
Like Hosea did for Gomer, Christ purchased me. He didn't come stomping into the brothel, grab me by my arm, haul me outside throwing loose change at the pimp (yeah, i said it again) only to get me to the street corner and harass me, yell at me, humiliate me and slap me for turning away from Him. Oh, I deserve it alright. That and more. But he took me by the hand, paid the exorbitant price (of which I am truely not worth lest I get prideful of some perceived value in me) and forgave me.
The sickening thing is, Sin still comes around and like a scared hooker I listen, as though he still has some claim on me. He no longer has any claim on my life. He doesn't own me. But he does his best to convince me that he does. Even in my lucid moments when I remember that he doesn't own me, he tricks me with other offers; distractions from Christ. Sadly, most anything will do, just make it shiny and put a cool logo on it. Anything that keeps my focus off of Christ and comfortably indifferent to Him.
I've been so convicted about this recently. I'm so easily distracted from Christ. I've even allowed theological academia to distract me from the reality of Christ himself. I desperately need to know about him, but knowledge itself is not enough. It has to be always squared with Jesus as reality. There is no longer time for fairytale images of heaven, or talking to our friends or kids about Jesus as though he's Santa or something. Jesus is Real. Jesus is Alive. Jesus is King. Jesus purchased Me and as such, Jesus owns Me. Jesus is far greater than anything that Sin uses to distract me.
I fear what is indicated about my affection for Christ by the easy with which I am distracted from Him. For this I repent and strive to maintain focus, to make Him my first love and to be a faithful bride. <i><b>Hosea 14:1</b> Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,for you have stumbled because of your iniquity. </i>
So now that we've gotten the pleasantries out of the way, "Hi, my name is Gomer. What's yours?"
